


The Wife

by chelztoddbrooke



Category: Schitt's Creek
Genre: Barbecue, David Rose Loves Patrick Brewer, David Rose is a Good Person, Fluff and Humor, Humor, Husbands, M/M, Miscommunication, Patrick Brewer is Gay, Unspecified Setting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-11
Updated: 2020-11-11
Packaged: 2021-03-10 03:47:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,685
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27507823
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chelztoddbrooke/pseuds/chelztoddbrooke
Summary: “David, the wife.” David stuck a hand out towards Jenna.“You’re a man,” Jenna replied dumbly. David dropped his hand and looked down at himself as if to confirm that fact.“I am,” he nodded._____Patrick finally takes David home with him and there seems to be some miscommunication.
Relationships: Patrick Brewer/David Rose
Comments: 5
Kudos: 300
Collections: Numerous OTPS Infinite Fandoms





	The Wife

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry for the vague setting---think church barbeque. Enjoy!!! :)

David looked between his nearly full plate and the three different dishes of Mac and Cheese on the table in front of him. A decision needed to be made. He didn’t have enough space or paper plate strength for all three. _This is only plate one_ he told himself as he picked the dish closest to him and scooped a heaping spoonful onto his plate. Plate now full, he stuck his fork into the cheesy noodles and took a generous bite.

“Excuse me?” a feminine voice said over his shoulder. David pivoted towards the woman, greeting her with a raise of his eyebrow, mouth otherwise occupied. “You’re Patrick’s business partner, right?” The words “business partner” clanged around in David’s brain for a moment. He was having flashbacks from Patrick’s surprise party. He slowly pulled the fork out of his mouth.

“Yes?” he answered, eyes narrowing.

“Oh good,” the woman replied, giddy. David opened his mouth to tell her he was also Patrick’s husband, but before he had the chance, she made the most bizarre statement. “So you must know his wife then.” David blinked in surprise, but quickly schooled his features. _Wife?_ He pursed his lips, deciding how to reply to that. He glanced around to see if Patrick was playing some kind of practical joke on him. Not seeing his husband, he sent the woman a tight smile.

“You could say that, yes.”

“What is she like? I don't really keep in touch with his parents, but I thought there would at least be a wedding blurb in the paper, which there wasn't. So when we heard Patrick was coming home for a visit, we hoped he would bring her. I haven’t seen her yet and the suspense is killing me.” Her blonde ponytail bounced with every word, a physical manifestation of her anticipation. 

“Well, I certainly don’t want to spoil _that_ surprise,” he smirked, gesturing with his fork. The woman’s face fell. “If you’ll excuse me, my food’s getting cold,” he pointed to his plate as he shuffled past her.

* * *

“You. Hey you,” a voice called. David lifted his head from where he was scrolling through his phone. He saw Patrick’s grandmother struggling to reach a particular piece of cake at the center of the table from her wheelchair. “Can you help me?”

“Of course,” David obliged, sliding his phone into his pocket, and grabbing his food trash. He discarded the trash and easily grabbed the piece of cake, setting it in Nana Brewer’s lap along with a fresh fork and napkin.

“I don’t know if you remember me, I’m David…”

“I know who you are, you’re Patrick’s wife. I was at your wedding! Forgot your name is all,” the woman scowled at him.

“Um, Nana Brewer, I’m Patrick’s _husband_ ,” he gently corrected her.

“You wear a dress at the wedding, you’re the wife,” the woman insisted. David furrowed his brow.

“No Nana, my sister Alexis was wearing the white dress.”

“And you were in the black dress. I have eyes,” her scowl deepened.

“Oh ok,” David replied awkwardly, blanching at the thought of anyone considering his Thom Browne custom kilted suit to be something as simple as a black dress. “How delightfully heteronormative of you with just a dash of misogynistic,” he mused, his expression going tight.

“I don’t know anyone named Norman and I certainly don’t want him to give me a massage,” the old woman grumbled, rolling herself away.

“Charming.” David grimaced for a welcoming as Patrick’s parents had been, the same couldn’t be said for all of his extended family. It was not so much homophobia as just general disinterest. At that thought, David searched the crowd for his husband again. He appeared to be waylaid on the far side of the lawn and looked in need to saving.

“David Rose!” someone called. He spun to face yet another person with a high well-groomed ponytail (this one brunette), that he didn’t know. He was not surprised. This was the first time Patrick had brought him home. Life and the store had just kept them too busy to make the trip sooner. 

“Yes?” he replied impatiently, glancing back to where he had last seen Patrick.

“You started Rose Apothecary, right?”

_What an interesting twist on the ‘business partner’ question_ he thought ruefully having a feeling he knew where this conversation was headed. It was clear someone was spreading some misinformation about he and Patrick.

“With Patrick, yes,” he bit out, subconsciously spinning his wedding ring around his finger.

“Oh, you’re married too,” she pointed to his hands. He nodded. “Is your wife here too? We’re all...”

“Waiting to meet Patrick’s bride, I know,” David interjected, lifting his chin and closing his eyes. He was desperately trying not to lose his patience. This game was fun at first, but quickly becoming less so. “I actually have a husband and yes he’s here.”

“Oh. And Patrick’s ok with you being…” Spots of color appeared on the woman’s cheeks.

“Tall?” David deadpanned.

“Gay?” she whispered it like it was a dirty word.

“Well, I’m not gay. I’m pansexual. And I would say Patrick is about as ok with it as you can get,” he smirked.

“Oh. Well. I had a gay friend in college.” She replied with a nod like that earned her some kind of points. 

“That’s wonderful. Now please excuse me,” he curtly excused himself from the rest of the excruciating conversation.

* * *

Patrick nearly groaned out loud as yet another girl he went to high school with waved excitedly and came charging in his direction carrying what appeared to be a bundle of flowers. He’d been trying to get back to David for almost twenty minutes. His mother had pulled him away to talk to some distance relative and now getting back across the yard was proving problematic. Since being alerted to his presence, it seemed everyone had something to say to him.

“Patrick!” The woman, Jenna, exclaimed.

“Jenna, Hi,” He sent her an uncomfortable smile. She was one of Rachel’s best friends and he’d been on the receiving end of numerous scathing texts from her when he and Rachel finally went separate ways.

“I feel like it’s been such a long time since we’ve talked. You haven’t been home in ages,” Jenna gushed. Patrick nodded. “I heard through the grapevine that you got married. Your wife must be really something if you chose her over our dear Rachel,” there was thinly vailed contempt in her tone.

Patrick felt the blood drain from his face. _Wife?_ Before he had a chance to reply, he felt a hand grip the back of his neck.

“She is.” David replied to Jenna before greeting Patrick. “Hey honey.” He pressed a kiss to his husband’s cheek. “David, the wife.” David stuck a hand out towards Jenna.

“You’re a man,” Jenna replied dumbly. David dropped his hand and looked down at himself as if to confirm that fact.

“I am,” he nodded. “Are those for me?” David asked, pointing at the flowers. Patrick snorted, fending off a laugh.

“What?” Jenna looked down at the bouquet in her hands. “Oh, um, sure.” She handed him the flowers.

“They’re lovely, thank you,” he replied graciously, taking them and burying his face in them.

“So not wife, _husband_ ,” Jenna corrected.

“Appears that way,” Patrick nodded with a flick of his eyebrows.

“That actually makes much more sense,” she nodded.

“Because our little Patrick here is gay?” David remarked.

“David,” Patrick chastised.

“Uh…well…yes. But—but the way Rachel described you. It didn’t make for a very flattering woman. But on a man…” Jenna gave David a long look. David preened under the attention.

“David,” Patrick chided again.

“What?” David’s eyes widened. Patrick just shook his head.

“Well, I’ll let you…” Jenna added awkwardly.

“It was good seeing you, Jenna,” Patrick replied politely. Jenna sent him a tight smile and gave a small wave as she made her exit.

“Nice to meet you!” David called after her.

* * *

“David, I am so sorry,” Patrick blurted as soon as Jenna was out of earshot.

“For what?” David gave his bouquet another sniff, gently toying with the petal of a sunflower. When Patrick didn’t answer, he looked up at him. On his face sat the same uncomfortable look he’d seen all those years ago at the ill begotten surprise party. “Oh. About Jenna?” David gave a dismissive wave of his hand. “She’s the fourth person that’s referred to me as your wife today.”

“W…what?” Patrick’s cheeks went scarlet.

“One of them was your grandmother,” David shrugged one shoulder.

“She was at our wedding!”

“She said because I wore a dress I’m the wife.”

“That’s…” Patrick furrowed his brow.

“Awfully misogynistic. I know, that’s what I said. But then she said she didn’t want a massage…”David grimaced and toyed with the wrapping on the flowers.

“She is almost ninety, and a little hard of hearing,” Patrick sent him a sympathetic smile. David brushed him off again. Nana Brewer’s opinion of him was of little consequence. “Who else?”

“Jenna’s merry band of perfect ponytails,” he gestured towards the small group of women with eyes glued in their direction, scandalized whispers flitting between them. 

“All Rachel’s friends. I bet she told them about you and failed to mention your gender,” Patrick realized. 

“Straight people are really funny about that,” David chuckled.

“About what?”

“Their significant others leaving them for a same sex partner. Like it somehow threatens who they are. Shouldn’t she be relieved? The reason you guys wouldn’t have worked out had very little to do with her and more to do with the fact that you like men.” He stroked a hand across Patrick’s shoulder, noticing all three women’s eyes tracking the movement.

“I don’t like _men_. I like one man.” Patrick countered, hooking an arm around David’s waist.

“Yeah?” David grinned, letting Patrick draw him into a kiss. “What will your wife think?” he commented just loud enough to reach Jenna and her friends. Patrick rolled his eyes and silenced him another ardent kiss, giving their audience a proper show.

**Author's Note:**

> No intended Rachel bashing--just innocent fun. Also, I am sure most of the Brewers love our David, but Nana came out to be the perfect salty old lady and I love her.


End file.
